Weddings are steeped in ritual, customs and tradition. Everything from where you spend the night before to what you wear and how you enter the ceremony is influenced by these things. Most wedding traditions in the UK have a long history, and although they’ve evolved a lot over time, many of them still seem more suited to the past than the present day.
Traditionally, weddings weren’t a celebration of romantic love. Instead, they were strategic alliances between two families. In many cultures, marriages were arranged for social, economic or political gain. They often involved matchmaking by elders and a dowry, as well as elaborate rituals that reflected the transactional nature of the union.
Some of these are still evident today. For example, a bride being ‘given away’ by her father comes from the historical idea that she passed from her father's ownership to her husband's on her wedding day.
This draws our attention to the fact many popular wedding traditions are rooted in outdated views regarding purity, reproduction, superstition and the patriarchy. This doesn’t automatically mean you have to ditch them, but you’ll definitely want to consider whether they deserve a place in your day. In many cases, there’s a meaningful modern alternative that feels more intentional. For example, maybe you’ll ask both your parents to give you away or choose to walk down the aisle with your best friend.
In my experience, the best way to approach wedding traditions is to view them as optional rather than a necessity. You can pick and choose the ones that feel right and leave anything that doesn’t.
Just as you shouldn’t feel guilty about rejecting a tradition, you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t. You get to decide which rituals are important to you as a couple, and how you want your wedding to look and feel for your guests.
At Benessamy, we’ll always encourage you to own your choices and be confident in your vision! We’ll also be on hand if you want to identify which wedding traditions work well nowadays… and which ones don’t.
Receiving Lines
Any more than a handful of guests and this tradition can get very boring very quickly for everyone involved. It might feel like the best way to ensure you’ve said hello to your friends and family, but visiting each table during the wedding breakfast is generally more efficient and fun.
Wedding Favours
We’ve seen too many wedding favours left behind to encourage our clients to invest in this tradition. These days, there are far better ways to make your guests feel loved and appreciated. Read 3 Ways to Make Your Guests Feel Extra Special and 8 Ways to Really Look After Your Guests for all my tips.
Toast Masters
Go for an MC instead! Although the terms ‘toast master’ and ‘master of ceremonies’ are often used interchangeably, there are some key differences. An MC is generally less formal and more relaxed. They’re unlikely to wear the traditional red coat and white gloves, use a gavel, or be a stickler for old-fashioned etiquette. For example, if they’re asking for a round of applause, they’re more likely to say, ‘put your hands together’ or ‘give it up for…’ instead of ‘please show your appreciation for…’.
Consider a Celebrant-Led Ceremony
A Celebrant-led ceremony is ideal if you’re ditching tradition in favour of something more personal and unique. A Celebrant can tailor your wedding to your own specifications, drawing on a range of themes, ceremonies and concepts. They don’t favour one wedding path or style over another and they’re usually happy to embrace different religions, practices and traditions, as long as it’s what you want. Read What is a Wedding Celebrant and What Do They Do? to learn more.
Whether you want to incorporate a few traditional touches or forego tradition completely, Benessamy can help you plan a wedding that feels right for you! With plenty of experience in the UK and overseas, we bring a calm efficiency to everything we do. Discover our Wedding Planning Services or get in touch to arrange a consultation. You’ll also find more inspiration via the links below:
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