Speeches are a cherished wedding tradition and usually a key element of any wedding reception. They allow the couple and members of the wedding party to express their love, appreciation and gratitude for each other and everyone else in attendance. They also play an important role in setting the tone of a wedding reception, often adding a touch of emotion and a hint of fun.
Wedding speech traditions vary greatly across cultures and religions. In the West, they were historically delivered as follows:
Clearly, this running order is far from modern or inclusive. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for both newlyweds to deliver a speech. I’ve also seen parents on both sides speak, as well as maids of honour/chief bridesmaids. Some couples even operate an open mic policy.
Within the traditional running order, each speaker was expected to hit certain talking points and make specific toasts. For example, the father of the bride is responsible for toasting absent friends and family, and the groom is supposed to thank the bridesmaids. If you opt for a different running order, you might want to run through the traditional elements listed below, decide which ones feel relevant, and divide them up between you.
Speeches always used to take place after the wedding breakfast, but this has also shifted in recent years. Some couples opt to have them before food is served or even between courses. While I’ll always encourage you to do what feels right for you, ensuring guests have been fed and watered beforehand is never a bad strategy. If you want to intersperse speeches throughout your wedding breakfast, make sure you have a conversation with your venue and/or caterers to ensure it’s feasible and won’t affect the quality of the meal.
Not if you don’t want to! At Benessamy, we believe the best way to approach wedding traditions is to view them as optional rather than essential. You’re free to pick and choose the ones that feel right and forgo anything that doesn’t.
Just as you shouldn’t feel guilty about rejecting a tradition, you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t. You get to decide which rituals are important to you as a couple, and how you want your wedding to look and feel for your guests. Read Wedding Traditions – Ditch or Keep? for more on this.
If you decide you want to skip speeches completely, make sure you express this clearly to everyone in your wedding party ahead of time. This way, you’ll be able to work through any resistance well in advance rather than on the day itself.
This is the best way to stay on schedule and avoid speeches dragging on. If you allot 10 minutes per person, they might run over a little, but speakers are unlikely to talk for 30 minutes.
For the same reason, if you’re planning to veer away from the traditional three speakers, don’t get too carried away!
Most people need a microphone. These days, it’s also very common for speakers to add visual elements such as photographs or video. Discuss these things well in advance so you can come up with a plan.
Speeches usually need to be introduced. A Master of Ceremonies will take care of this on your behalf, ensuring each speaker is properly acknowledged by the audience. They’ll also keep things moving, making sure the speeches start on time and flow seamlessly from one to the next.
If you’re someone who has to deliver a wedding speech, my top tip is to slow down. Nerves tend to make us talk quickly. Take a deep breath, remember to let each point land with the audience and sink in, pause for laughs, and take things slow and steady.
Benessamy can help you plan a wedding that feels right for you, in the UK or overseas. We bring a calm efficiency to everything we do, and our Full Wedding Planning service includes a venue search and supplier recommendations. Learn more here or get in touch to arrange a consultation.
In the meantime, you’ll find more advice and inspiration for your wedding party via the links below:In the meantime, you’ll find more advice and inspiration for your wedding party via the links below:
Val x
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