When you’re planning your wedding breakfast, deciding who sits where can be a daunting task. As well as tackling your entire guest list, you’ve got to seat yourselves and your wedding party.
This tends to be where a traditional top table comes in, but there are alternatives. Let’s explore them together…
The top table at a wedding is usually reserved for the newlyweds, their parents and key members of the wedding party such as the maid of honour and the best man.
Traditionally, there would be eight chairs and a rigid seating plan dictating who sits where. Facing the table, from left to right, you would find the maid of honour, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, and the best man.
As you can see, this template excludes same-sex couples completely. It also represents a very narrow definition of family, assuming there are always two parents of the opposite sex. Thankfully, seating plans have evolved and more inclusive alternatives to the traditional top table have begun to emerge.
Many popular wedding traditions are rooted in outdated views. This doesn’t automatically mean you have to ditch them, but you’ll definitely want to consider whether they deserve a place in your day.
At Benessamy, we believe the best way to approach traditions is to view them as optional rather than essential. You’re free to pick and choose the ones that feel right and forgo anything that doesn’t.
Just as you shouldn’t feel guilty about rejecting a tradition, you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t. You get to decide which rituals are important to you as a couple, and how you want your wedding to look and feel for your guests. Read Wedding Traditions – Ditch or Keep? for more on this.
If you ultimately decide a traditional top table isn’t for you, here are some alternatives to consider…
A ‘sweetheart table’ is a table reserved just for the two of you, the guests of honour, aka the sweethearts! It’s generally located where a traditional top table would be, facing out towards your guests.
As well as helping you avoid any potential conflict over the seating plan, a sweetheart table allows you to spend lots of quality time together as a couple. You’ll be able to savour and enjoy your food without the pressure to entertain a table full of guests. Then, when you’re ready to mingle, you can visit other tables together or invite guests to join you.
A traditional top table doesn’t really allow for divorced parents, blended families or large wedding parties. How do you decide who will sit where if you have stepfamily or multiple best men to consider?
Rather than seating your wedding party altogether, why not make them individually responsible for hosting their own tables? This has the potential to create a lovely atmosphere at your wedding breakfast. It’s also a great way to make people feel special and included despite not being seated at the top table.
If you give your parents their own table(s) to host, and the layout of your venue allows it, I recommend positioning them as close to your table as possible. You’ll want to ensure they have a good view of you both, especially for any speeches.
For smaller, more intimate weddings, seating all your guests at one big table is a great option. This works best if you’re inviting 20 people or less. A smaller group usually means more close friends and family who know each other, so the conversation should flow nicely while everyone enjoys their meal.
Whatever you want your seating plan to look like, Benessamy can help you plan a wedding that feels right for you! With plenty of experience in the UK and overseas, we bring a calm efficiency to everything we do. Discover our Wedding Planning Services or get in touch to arrange a consultation. You’ll also find more inspiration via the links below:
Val x
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